2022-04-20 - 12:58 a.m.
420 at last!
The past few weeks have been very shaky. Damn near earth shattering. But I think that time has passed.
A lot of things have changed, and a many of those things are for the good. But not in the way I thought it would be.
My relationship with baby daddy has been very sensitive. And I blame part of it on the pandemic, but also the stress in having 2 special needs children. TWO!!!
The dynamic changed drastically when I lost my job right before the pandemic. And as a result, we moved in with my ridiculous family.
So now I have no job, sadly, but I'm very happy to be with my boys. Now baby daddy has got this unrealistic pressure to make thousands of money. Btw, no one even mentioned it. I think he felt emasculated because I was the only one making the dough.
Now with two growing hobbits we felt things were going well. The youngest was on track with his milestones, until he wasn't talking. So switching insurances, switching pediatricians, and wearing another worry cap because now he's on a similar track as the oldest.
Okay, so I don't ever talk about how difficult it is to have these two handsome giants galavanting around like danger doesn't exist, but it's extremely exhausting. The oldest is nearly 5 ft tall and he only just turned 9. The youngest has thighs like Conan the barbarian and he's ridiculously and retardedly stronger than an other child I have ever seen. He just turned 5 years old and now weighs 65 pounds. From the beginning, the doctor said, if he's hungry let him eat! Lol he loves eating protein, eggs, almonds, cheese and meats. What has my vagina created?
I digress. What baby daddy and I needed was a very much needed break. I love my boys, but it's extremely physically and mentally straining. And through some therapy we learned that we were taking out our frustrations on each other. The little stupidest thing about each other and also finally admitting that we are never gonna have a normal life. With our boys, we were in such denial about so much. It was truly a weight off our mind body and soul. We are still a tad nippy at each other, but right now we are so much better as a whole than two broken pieces.
I'm just thankful I have this platform to throw random stupid words together in private and complete anonymity.
Off to bed now.
- baby daddy is also sober from the fire water for nearly 20 days. Baby steps, but in the right direction.
- found that knitting and crocheting truly give me an outlet to relieve some stress.
