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2023-05-15 - 5:09 p.m.

I have no other space to myself but this place, under incognito. Why? As of late my children's father - who I'm not married to, but tell everyone else we are because he's insecure about "other guys" thinking I'm single and available, because he came into money only recently and bought me my new phone and laptop. So now when he gets upset, he takes it away, along with the TV, and other small things bought for me. Even the watch I have that he got for me on my birthday last year. Mind you, anything before the pandemic he had zero $$$. Yet I never treated him this way.

Ok... I don't have much time. But I know no one will read this. So I'm really just venting, and getting some stress off my chest.
Last year a week before roe vs. Wade, my sister had an abortion. No one knows but me and my children's father. But he's been super upset because, and I didn't know this, he's pro life. So now he's upset, and brings it up with every argument that I helped my sister get an abortion. I gave her a ride and didn't say anything. But she's my sister and I support her decision. So I helped her out with a ride to the place, and then back. The children's father says, if I love him, I would have done what he said, which is not be involved. But how can I, when she's my sister and that's not what I support. I think it should be the woman's choice. I don't think he'll ever get over this, because his ex right before me had an abortion as well. One that would have made him a father with the ex. Why does he care so much about what my sister does with her body? He's always calling her a whore, slut, retard. And then he calls me that. Ugh ... I'm so mentally exhausted. And with two special needs kids, makes it 10x worse.
I think more often now, maybe if I left this plane of existence he'll understand how much stress I go through with the boys alone. And then maybe he'll stop caring so much about my sister.
I wonder if he secretly wishes I was more like my sister. Ugh... It's all so fucked.
Noose or a pile of pills... Sadly that has come to my mind more often lately.


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