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2006-05-03 - 11:12 p.m.

Is it normal to be nervous for something you think is going to happen sometime in the future, even though you know damn well that you don't know what the fuck it is???

Maybe it's school I'm worried about. The fact that I might not be doing well, and the fact that I don't know why I have no clue about my status in class. Maybe it could be the fact that my parents wont get off my back about my figure. Or how "big" I've gotten. It's kinda sad and depressing. I'm not worried about how "big" I've gotten, but the constant reminder that they think I'm pathetic because they think I'm lazy. Maybe it is because I show no enthusiasm about my future. Maybe because I have no future. Damn it all to hell. I'm being all stupid and emo. Now that is sad.

I don't mean to come off all negative, but the nervousness I feel now - the sweating of the palms, the uneasy shaky feeling that something is about to happen, the adrenaline running through my veins. Could it be a sign of something bad, horrible, terrible to come? The last time I had this kind of feeling, I found out my neighbor had cancer, my mom almost ran a kid over, and my 17 year old cousin was pregnant.

I just hope that this feeling is nothing more than an overdose of caffiene.

Aside from the fact that I've been feeling nervous, every now and then a wave of exhaustion just hits me. Like suddenly my body has become lighter and lighter, but heavier and heavier. A fight within myself; good cells against the bad cells. I suddenly feel very sleepy, drifting off, sluggish, but then it dissapates as if there was no sign it had occuried. My appetite has done nothing to help me either. I mean, not that I'm eating everything i see, more like I'm not eating what I should be. Hardly eating. After this weekend, I haven't had at least a decent amount of sleep. But I guess thats due to finals.

I don't like to complain, but other than complaining to my friends on the phone and making myself the 'victum' I feel it best just to write it out. I don't know. But whatever... I'm gonna go cuz right now... I am going to try and get sleep... laterz!!!

 

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